I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
