you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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