I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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