I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The air taste purple.
Randomize
