Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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