last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
