and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
