My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
