what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How's work?
Spinning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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