I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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