today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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