Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
