You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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