Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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