from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
