She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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