i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they're like a gay fantastic four
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
