I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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