There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
