he thought i was a dude.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
