I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
