We named our party play list daddy issues
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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