I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
