It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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