They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
