They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
