bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
