if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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