the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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