I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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