I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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