my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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