I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
