I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
