I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
