i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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