Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
