This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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