Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found the puke drawer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
