too bad you live with your parents still
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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