I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
