highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
