Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My feet surprised me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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