Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
