Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
