I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
