he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Terrible idea I love it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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