just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
