I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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