i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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