i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
