I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
