I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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