That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she peed on how many people?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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