Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
