I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
