Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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