You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
